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Everything I Really Need To Know I Learned from
STAR TREK:  The Original Series Logo
(Well, almost everything)

This is not an exhaustive list of quotations from the various incarnations of Star Trek; many others are scattered throughout the rest of my Cheap Thoughts pages.

 

The STAR TREK Series:

     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

     STAR TREK:  Voyager

     Enterprise

The Captains of Star Trek

The Doctors of Star Trek

     I'm a Doctor, Not A . . .

The Engineers of Star Trek

The Enterprise(s)

Just Another Anomaly

Klingons and Vulcans and Tribbles, Oh, My

     Androids

     Borg

     Changelings

     The Ferengi

     Klingons

     The Q Continuum

     Romulans

     Tribbles

     Trills

     Vulcans

United Federation of Planets / Starfleet

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

 

STAR TREK:  The Original Series Logo
(TV, 1966-1969; movies 1979-1991)

 

Space . . . the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
Its five-year mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
To seek out new life and new civilizations,
To boldly go where no man has gone before . . .
     Gene [Eugene Wesley] Roddenberry, 
          STAR TREK (TV series, 1966-1969)

 

Instruments only register those things they are designed to register. Space still contains infinite unknowns.
     Spock, "The Naked Time"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"It is more rational to sacrifice one life than six, Doctor."
"I'm not talking about rationality."
"You might be wise to start."
     Spock and McCoy, "The Galileo Seven"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Mr. Scott, there are always alternatives.
     Spock, "The Galileo Seven"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Mr. Spock, sometimes I think if I hear that word "frequency" once more I'll cry.
     Uhura, "The Man Trap"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

May the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless your planet.
     Sulu, "The Man Trap"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.
     James T. Kirk, "Shore Leave"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Well, gentlemen, we all have to take a chance, especially if one is all we have.
     James T. Kirk, "Tomorrow is Yesterday"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.
     Montgomery Scott, "A Taste of Armageddon"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
     Spock, "Amok Time"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"We think of ourselves as the most powerful beings in the universe; it's unsettling to discover that we're wrong."
"Captain, it took millions of years for the Organians to evolve into what they are. Even the gods did not spring into being overnight. You and I have no reason to be embarrassed."
     Kirk and Spock, "Errand of Mercy"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"You find it easier to understand the death of one than the death of a million. You speak about the objective hardness of the Vulcan heart, yet how little room there seems to be in yours."
"Suffer the death of thy neighbor, Spock — now you wouldn't wish that on us, would you?"
"It might have rendered your history a bit less bloody."
     Spock and McCoy, "The Immunity Syndrome"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

We must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis.
     Spock, "The Mark of Gideon"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Well, this is an Enterprise first. Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock, and Engineer Scott find themselves in complete agreement. Can I stand the strain?
     James T. Kirk, "The Lights of Zetar"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

In my time, we knew not of Earthmen. I am pleased to see that we have differences. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us.
     Surak, "The Savage Curtain"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
"Or the one."
     Spock and Kirk, STAR TREK II The Wrath of Khan

 

Do you know of the Klingon proverb that tells that revenge is a dish best served cold? It is very cold in space.
     Khan, about to get wrathful in STAR TREK II The Wrath of Khan

 

Of my friend, I can only say this. Of all the souls that I have encountered in my travels, his was the most . . . human.
     Kirk, speaking at the funeral of Spock, 
     STAR TREK II The Wrath of Khan

 

"My father says that you have been my friend . . . you came back for me. ... Why would you do this?"
"Because the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many."
     Spock and Kirk, STAR TREK III The Search For Spock

 

Judging from the pollution content in the atmosphere, I believe we have arrived at the latter half of the twentieth century.
     Spock, after a successful attempt at time travel to
     20-century Earth, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

"To hunt a species to extinction is not logical."
"Who ever said the human race was logical?"
     Spock and Dr. Gillian Taylor, 
     STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

Admiral, if we will assume that these whales are our to do with as we please, we would be as guilty as those who caused their extinction.
     Spock, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

Life is not a dream.
     Spock, STAR TREK V The Final Frontier

 

There is an old Vulcan proverb: Only Nixon could go to China.
     Spock, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

You have not experienced Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Klingonese.
     Chancellor Gorkon, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

In space, all warriors are cold warriors.
     General Chang, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

THE HUMAN ADVENTURE IS JUST BEGINNING
     STAR TREK The Motion Picture

 

 

STAR TREK:  The Next Generation Logo
(TV, 1987-1994; movies 1994-    )

 

Space . . . the final frontier.
These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
Its continuing mission:
To explore strange new worlds,
To seek out new life and new civilizations,
To boldly go where no one has gone before . . .
     Gene [Eugene Wesley] Roddenberry, 
          STAR TREK:  The Next Generation 
               (TV series, 1987-1994)

 

"We human know our past, even when we're ashamed of it. I recognize this court system as the one that agreed with the line from Shakespeare: "Kill all the lawyers" —
"Which was done."
     Captain Picard and Q, "Encounter At Farpoint"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

The Telerians had reached Earth's late twentieth century level of knowledge. That's all you need if you're a damned fool.
     Dr. Crusher, "Haven"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

If winning is not important, then why keep score?
     Worf, "11001001"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Things are only impossible until they're not.
     Captain Picard, "When the Bough Breaks"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Only a fool has no fear.
     Worf, "Coming of Age"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

I believe he means television, sir. That particular form of entertainment did not last much beyond the year 2040.
     Data, "The Neutral Zone"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Captain, the most elementary and valuable statement in science: The beginning of wisdom is "I do not know."
     Data, "Where Silence Has Lease"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

The unexpected is our usual routine.
     William T. Riker, "The Outrageous Okona"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders.
     Captain Picard, "The Offspring"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Death is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.
     The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

We will start with the assumption that I am not crazy. If I am, it won't matter one way or another.
     Dr. Crusher, "Remember Me"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

I never met a chocolate I didn't like.
     Deanna Troi, "The Game"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

So, this is a space ship. You ever run into Halley’s Comet?
     Samuel L. Clemens, "Time's Arrow, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I’m glad I have a chance to thank you."
"For what, sir?"
"Why, for starting me out on the greatest adventure a man’s ever had! And for helping a bitter old man to open his eyes and see that the future turned out pretty well, after all."
     Samuel L. Clemens and Data, "Time's Arrow, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I wish time would have allowed me to know you better."
"Well, you’ll just have to read my books. What I am is pretty much there."
     Picard and Samuel L. Clemens, "Time's Arrow, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I recall how you used your superior morality when we first encountered you. You put us on trial for the crimes of humanity."
"The jury's still out on that, Picard, make no mistake."
     Captain Picard and Q, "True Q"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim?"
"You could say that."
"If Spock were here, he would say I was an irrational, illogical human being for taking on a mission like that. Sounds like fun."
     Captain Kirk and Captain Picard in STAR TREK Generations

 

And you people, you're all astronauts, on some kind of star trek?
     Zephram Cochrane, STAR TREK First Contact

 

The acquisition of wealth is no longer the driving force in our lives. We work to better ourselves, and the rest of humanity.
     Captain Picard, STAR TREK First Contact

 

 

STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine Logo
(TV, 1993-1999)

 

It is the unknown that defines our existence. We are constantly searching — not just for answers to our questions, but for new questions. We are explorers. We explore our lives, day by day, and we explore the galaxy, trying to expand the boundaries of our knowledge. And that is why I am here. Not to conquer you with weapons or with ideas, but to coexist, and to learn.
     Commander Sisko, speaking to the Prophets, "Emissary"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

A thousand years ago [Earth] had character — Crusades, Spanish Inquisition, Watergate. Now it's just mind-numbingly dull.
     Q, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Never trust anyone who places your prosperity above their own. And remember: when in doubt, be ruthless.
     Grand Nagus Zek, "The Nagus"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"Frankly, in my humble opinion, most of you humanoids spend far too much time on your respective mating rituals."
"It does help the procreation of one's species."
"Procreation does not require changing how you smell or writing bad poetry or sacrificing various plants to serve as tokens of affection. In any event it's all irrelevant to me. ..."
"Constable, you can handle thieves and killers but not one Betazoid woman?"
"I understand thieves and killers, I don't understand her."
     Odo and Sisko, "The Forsaken"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

My philosophy is that there is room for all philosophies on this station.
     Commander Sisko, "In the Hands of the Prophets"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I'm a teacher. My responsibility is to expose my students to knowledge, not hide it from them.
     Keiko O'Brien, "In the Hands of the Prophets"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day. But I don't trust coincidences.
     Garak, "Cardassians"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

... humans have a compulsion to keep records and lists and files — so many, in fact, that they have to invent new ways to store them microscopically, otherwise their records would overrun all known civilization.
     Odo, "Necessary Evil"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

There isn't a problem in the world that can't be fixed by the right holosuite program.
     Quark, "Playing God"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"Admit it, Chief, if you were on a station where everything worked, you'd be miserable."
"Well, you may be right, sir. (A panel shorts out.) But I'd be willing to give it a try."
     Sisko and O'Brien, "Second Sight"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

When did I start thinking of this Cardassian monstrosity as "home"?
     Benjamin Sisko, "The Search, Part I"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Chief O'Brien wants to know when you can stop by and inspect the new runabout."
"I'll be available at 1400 hours. Tell him I want to name it Rubicon."
"The Rubicon it is. You know, the rate we go through runabouts it's a good thing the Earth has so many rivers."
     Kira and Sisko, "Family Business"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"And as the 34th Rule of Acquisition states, 'Peace is good for business.'"
"That's the 35th Rule."
"Oh, you're right. What's the 34th?"
"'War is good for business.' It's easy to get them confused."
     Jadzia Dax and Quark, "Destiny"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
     Garak, "Improbable Cause"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I'm no writer, but if I were, it seems to me I'd want to poke my head up every once in a while and take a look around — see what's going on. It's life, Jake. You can miss it if you don't open your eyes.
     Captain Sisko, "The Visitor"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Kiss the girl, get the key — they never taught me that in the Obsidian Order.
     Garak, "Our Man Bashir"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Is that what they taught you at the Obsidian Order? To give up when things get tough?"
"As a matter of fact, they did. That's why I've managed to stay alive while most of my colleagues are dead — because I know when to talk away, and that time is now."
     Bashir and Garak, "Our Man Bashir"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"That’s the problem when you combine Cardassian, Bajoran, and Federation technology. None of it was meant to work together."
"How do you tolerate working in this environment?"
"Well, it’s a lot easier than working on the Enterprise."
"Easier? The Enterprise never had these kinds of problems."
"Tell me about it. Have you any idea how bored I used to get sitting in the transporter room waiting for something to break down? Here, I’ve half a dozen new problems every day! This station needs me."
     O'Brien and Worf, "Bar Association"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"So you're off the hook — how does it feel?"
"It feels good: no more ceremonies to attend, no more blessings to give, no more prophecies to fulfill. I'm just a Starfleet officer again. All I have to worry about are the Klingons, the Dominion, and the Maquis. I feel like I'm on vacation."
     Dax and Sisko, after Sisko (temporarily) steps
     down as Emissary to the Prophets, "Accession"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

So let me get this straight: no sleep, no food, no women. No wonder you're so angry.
     Jadzia Dax to a Jem'Hadar solider, "To the Death"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Paranoid" is what they call people who imagine threats against their life — I have threats against my life.
     Garak, "For the Cause"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Coffee can never be too hot.
     Jadzia Dax, "Nor the Battle to the Strong"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

O'BRIEN: It's funny. I've served on half a dozen ships, and none of them have had cloaking devices except the Defiant. Now that we're not using it, I feel . . . naked.
WORF: It is disconcerting, to say the least.
SISKO: Gentlemen, I feel the same breeze you do. (Dax smiles.)
O'BRIEN: What are you smiling at?
DAX: I don't know, I guess it's just being in the same room with so many naked men.
     "Broken Link"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"You're becoming more like Curzon all the time."
"I don't know how to take that."
"Consider it a compliment. And the next time I go off half-cocked on some wild-eyed adventure, think back to this moment, and be a little more understanding."
     Dax and Sisko, "For the Uniform"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

There in an ancient Klingon proverb — "You cannot loosen a man's tongue with root beer."
     Worf, "Rapture"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Lying is a skill like any other, and if you want to maintain a level of excellence you have to practice constantly.
     Garak, "In Purgatory's Shadow (Part 1 of 2)"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"The Jem'Hadar don't eat, don't drink, and they don't have sex. And if that weren't bad enough, the Founders don't eat, don't drink, and they don't have sex either. Which, between you and me, makes my financial future less than promising."
"It might not be so bad. For all we know, the Vorta could be gluttonous, alcoholic sex maniacs."
"I never thought of that. I wonder what their favorite food is?"
     Quark and Tora Ziyal, discussing an impending takeover of
     the station by the Dominion, "By Inferno's Light (Part 2 of 2)"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Despite what Keevan may think, the Jem'Hadar are often one step ahead of the Vorta.
     Remeta'Klan, "Rocks and Shoals"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Well, take it from me — it's a lot more fun asking questions than answering them.
     Garak, "Favor the Bold"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Vorta are immune to most forms of poison. It comes in handy when you're a diplomat.
     Weyoun, "Ties of Blood and Water"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

There are rules, hmm, hmm: don't talk with your mouth full, hmm, hmm, don't open an airlock when somebody's inside it, and don't lie about your genetic status!
     Jack, "Statistical Probabilities"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"It's not our place to decide who lives and who dies; we're not gods!"
"Maybe not, but we're the next best thing."
     Bashir and Jack, "Statistical Probabilities"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

It's a damn fine piece of writing is what it is, and "Deep Space Nine" is a very intriguing title.
     Quark / Rossoff to Benny/Sisko, "Far Beyond the Stars"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

What if this life we're leading — all of this, you and me, everything — what if all of this is the illusion. ... maybe, just maybe, Benny isn't the dream — we are. Maybe we're nothing more than figments of his imagination. For all we know, at this very moment, somewhere far beyond all those distant stars, Benny Russell is dreaming of us.
     Captain Sisko, "Far Beyond the Stars"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

So — I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men. I am an accessory to murder. But the most damning thing of all — I think I can live with it. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. Garak was right about one thing: a guilty conscience is a small price to pay for the safety of the Alpha Quadrant. So I will learn to live with it. Because I can live with it.
     Captain Sisko, "In the Pale Moonlight"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

You know, pallie, sometimes being a hologram can be a real pain in the asymetric photons.
     Vic Fontaine, "The Siege of AR-558"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

QUARK: What are you trying to do — cheer me up?
DAX: It's my job. Remember the 34th Rule of Acquisition: "War is good for business."
QUARK: Only from a distance. The closer you are to the front lines, the less profitable it gets.
     Quark and Ezri Dax, "The Siege of AR-558"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"Tough little ship."  "Little?"
     Riker and Worf, after the Defiant takes (another) pounding,
     STAR TREK First Contact

 

It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
     Ferengi Rule of Acquisition No. 33
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

 

STAR TREK:  Voyager Logo
(TV, 1995-2001)

 

We're alone, in an uncharted part of the Galaxy. We've already made some friends here — and some enemies. We have no idea of the dangers we're going to face. But one thing is clear: both crews are going to have to work together if we're to survive. That's why Commander Chakotay and I have agreed that this should be one crew — a Starfleet crew. And as the only Starfleet crew assigned to the Delta Quadrant, we'll continue to follow our directive: to seek out new worlds and explore space.
     Captain Janeway, "Caretaker"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

It seems I've found myself on a voyage of the damned.
     The Doctor, "Time And Again"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"These people are natural-born explorers, Neelix."
"These people are natural-born idiots, if you ask me. Thy don't appreciate what they have here. This ship is the match of any vessel within a hundred light-years, and what do they do with it? 'Uh, well, let's see if we can find some space anomaly today that might rip it apart!'"
     Kes and Neelix, "The Cloud"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"... out here in the Delta Quadrant, every old trick is new again." ...
"That's one trick you won't be able to use again when we get back."
"I have more."
     Chakotay and Janeway, "Ex Post Facto"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"There's an old Chinese expression: 'Stay out of harm's way.'"
"That's not a Chinese expression."
"If it works, use it."
     Kim and Paris, "Parturition"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"On my home world, it's so much simpler. You choose a mate for life. There's no distrust, no jealousy, no envy, no betrayal."
"Hmm. Your world must have very dry literature."
     Kes and The Doctor, "Parturition"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

All of us have violent instincts. We have evolved from predators. Well, not me, of course; I've just been programmed by you predators.
     The Doctor, "Meld"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Vulcans consider death to be the completion of the journey. There is nothing to fear.
     Tuvok, "Innocence"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"Given Mr. Paris' alleged familiarity with 20th century America, it is a wonder we survived the experience at all."
"Tuvok, has anyone ever told you you're a real Freakasaurus?"
     Tuvok and Paris, "Future's End, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"I am finding it a difficult challenge to integrate into this group. It is full of complex social structures that are unfamiliar to me. Compared with the Borg, this crew is inefficient and contentious. But it is capable of . . . surprising acts of compassion."
"Unexpected acts of kindness are common among our group. That's one of the ways we define ourselves."
     Seven of Nine and Janeway, "Day of Honor"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

As illogical as this might sound, I feel as close to Voyager as I do to any other member of my crew.
     Captain Janeway, "The Year of Hell, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

He [Da Vinci] was a Renaissance man, Tuvok. Interpreted, reinterpreted, deconstructed, fantasized about all through history. Besari thought he was an angel, Freud thought he had a problem with his mother, James T. Kirk claimed he met him — although the evidence is less than conclusive.
     Captain Janeway, "Concerning Flight"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Sometimes first contact is last contact.
     Captain Janeway, "Waking Moments"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"And they asked me to relay a message: they wanted you to know you're no longer alone."
"Sixty thousand light years seems a little closer today."
     The Doctor and Janeway, "Message in a Bottle"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Coffee — the finest organic suspension ever devised. It's got me through the worst of the last three years.
     Captain Janeway, "Hunters"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"When I first came on board Voyager, I was pretty green, right?"
"A deep, almost fluorescent green, if I remember correctly."
     Kim and Paris, "Demon"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

What you need is some editorial skill in your self-expression. Between impulse and action, there is a realm of good taste begging for your acquaintance.
     The Doctor to Seven, "One"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"A wise precaution. With any luck, we won't be needing it."
"I didn't think Vulcans believed in luck."
"As a rule we don't, but serving with Captain Janeway has taught me otherwise."
"She does seem to succeed more often than random chance would allow."
     Tuvok and Seven, "Juggernaut"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Last year, when 2000 arrived, everyone was convinced it was the dawn of a new era. But when the world didn't end, and the flying saucers didn't land, and the Y2K bug didn't turn on a single light bulb, you'd think everybody would've realized it was a number on a calendar, but oh, no, they had to listen to all those hucksters who told them the real millennium was 2001. So this New Year's Eve will be as boring a last year's.
     Shannon O'Donnell (ancestor of Captain
     Janeway) to Henry Janeway, "11:59"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

SEVEN: When the risks outweigh the potential gains, exploration is illogical.
TUVOK: We can't predict what we might find here, Seven. One must allow for the unexpected discovery.
     Seven and Tuvok, "One Small Step"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

TORRES: I can't believe we're negotiating with adolescent drones.
JANEWAY: They're not exactly drones. Mature Borg are predictable. They'll ignore you or assimilate you, but these juveniles — they're unstable.
TUVOK: They are contemptuous of authority, convinced that they are superior — typical adolescent behavior for any species.
     "Collective"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

 

STAR TREK:  Enterprise Logo
(TV, 2001-      )

 

For nearly a century, we've waded ankle-deep in the ocean of space. Now it's finally time to swim.
     Captain Archer, "Broken Bow"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

"We could stay and help them."
"The Vulcans stayed to help Earth ninety years ago. We're still there."
     Archer and T'Pol, "Dear Doctor"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

If I hadn't trusted him to make the right choice, I'd have been no better than the Vulcan diplomats who held your species back because they felt you couldn't make proper decisions on your own.
     Dr. Phlox, "Dear Doctor"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

"Sometimes I think you North Americans read nothing but comic books — and those ridiculous science-fiction novels."
"I'll have you know that Superman was laced with metaphor. Subtext layered on subtext."
"Oh, if only Dr. Cochrane had been a European. The Vulcans would've been far too reticent to help us. But no — he had to be from Montana."
     Reed and Tucker,  "Shuttlepod One"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

 

The Captains of Star Trek

 

"Has it ever occurred to you that there is a certain . . . inefficiency in constantly questioning me on thing you've already made up your mind about?"
"It gives me emotional security."
     Spock and Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"I read once a commander has to act like a paragon of virtue. I never met a paragon."
"Neither have I."
     Eve and Kirk, "Mudd's Women"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

You're the Captain of the ship. You haven't the right to be vulnerable in the eyes of the crew. You can't afford the luxury of being anything less than perfect. If you do they lose faith, and you lose your command.
     Spock to Kirk, "The Enemy Within"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I realize that command does have its fascinations, even under circumstances such as these, but I neither enjoy the idea of command, nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists.
     Spock, "The Galileo Seven"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by" — you could feel the wind at your back in those days. The sounds of the sea beneath you. And even if you take away the wind and the water, it's still the same. The ship is yours. You can feel her. And the stars are still there, Bones.
     James T. Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Commanding a starship is your first, best destiny. Anything else is a waste of material.
     Spock to Kirk, STAR TREK II The Wrath of Khan

 

James T. Kirk, it is the judgment of this council that you be reduced in rank to Captain, and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability — the command of a starship.
     Federation President, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

This officer's record shows him to be an insubordinate, unprincipled, career-minded opportunist, with a history of violating the chain of command whenever it suited him.
     General Chang describing Kirk, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

Once again, we've saved civilization as we know it.
     Captain Kirk, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

He calls that a "little adventure"?
     William T. Riker on Captain Picard, "Encounter At Farpoint"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"You just can't stay away from the big chair, can you?"
"I don't think I'm cut out to be captain. First Officer, maybe. I understand there aren't many qualifications."
     Riker and Troi, "Disaster"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

THERE . . . ARE . . . FOUR . . . LIGHTS!!!
     Captain Picard, "Chain of Command, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"Well, now that you have another pip on your collar, does that mean I can't disagree with you anymore?"
"No. It just means I'm never wrong."
"We'll see about that."
     Kira and Sisko, on Sisko's promotion to captain, "The Adversary"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

All I ask is a tall ship, and a load of contraband to fill it with.
     Quark, "Little Green Men"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Life is a great deal more complicated in this red uniform."
"Wait 'til you get four pips on that collar. You'll wish you had gone into botany."
     Worf and Sisko, "Rules of Engagement"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Captain Bashir, Captain O'Brien, Captain Sisko — we may not have enough troops or ships or weapons, but we have plenty of Captains.
     'Smiley' O'Brien, "Shattered Mirror"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"You are evil."
"I am a Starfleet officer, the paragon of virtue."
"You're more like a parody of virtue."
     Kasidy and Sisko, "For the Cause"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

In command school, they taught us to always remember that maneuvering a starship is a very delicate process. But over the years, I've learned that sometimes, you just have to punch your way through.
     Captain Janeway, "Parallax"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"This is a far more reckless course of action than I have come to expect from you, Captain." ...
"I never realized you thought of me as reckless, Tuvok."
"A poor choice of words. It was clearly an understatement."
     Tuvok and Janeway, "Scientific Method"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

We haven't been stopped by temporal anomalies, warp core breaches, or hostile aliens, and I am damned if I'm going to be stopped by a nebula.
     Captain Janeway, "One"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew.
     Captain Janeway, "Dark Frontier"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

 

The Doctors of Star Trek

 

Sometimes a man'll tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor.
     Dr. Boyce, "The Cage"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

He's dead, Jim. [First occurrence of this line.]
     Dr. McCoy, "The Enemy Within"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Well, I'll say this about your Enterprise. The doctors are a fair sight prettier.
     Scotty, "Relics"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Well, I mistook a pre-ganglionic fiber for a post ganglionic nerve during the orals, or I would have been valedictorian. It's a trick question.
     Dr. Bashir, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Doctor, did anyone ever tell you that you are an infuriating pest?"
"Chief O'Brien, all the time, and I don't pay any attention to him either."
     Garak and Bashir, "The Wire"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Treveyan was right — there is no cure. The Dominion made sure of that. And I was so arrogant I thought I could find a cure in a week."
"Maybe it was arrogant to think that — but it's even more arrogant to think that there isn't a cure just because you couldn't find it."
     Bashir and Dax, "The Quickening"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"He's [Dr. Orpax] only the most expensive doctors on Ferengenar. He charges two slips of latinum just to walk into the waiting room."
"This is terrible. ... Maybe you should get a second opinion. Have Dr. Bashir examine you when he gets back from the Gamma Quadrant."
"Bashir? How good can he be? He doesn't even charge."
     Quark and Rom, "Body Parts"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Computer, initiate Emergency Medical Holographic Program."
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."
     Kim and The Doctor (his first appearance on Voyager), "Caretaker"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Now there's an interesting concept — a hologram that programs himself. What would I do with that ability? Create a family, raise an army . . .
     The Doctor, "The Cloud"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I don't have a life; I have a program.
     The Doctor, "Tattoo"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Choosing a name is no easy matter. I speak from experience.
     The Doctor, "Dreadnought"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"Well, you certainly know how to bring a party to a halt."
"I don't get out very much."
     The Clown and The Doctor, "The Thaw"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I have been equipped with an autonomous, self-sustaining, mobile holo-emitter. In short, I am footloose and fancy-free.
     The Doctor, "Future's End, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"Do you recall my own behavior when I was first activated?"
"How could I forget — you were a major pain in the —"
"My point is, I too was somewhat alienated from the rest of the crew. It took me a few days to master the social graces."
     The Doctor and Torres, "Revulsion"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"Stop breathing down my neck."
"My breathing is merely a simulation."
"So is my neck; stop it anyway."
     The Doctor and the EMH-Mark 2, "Message in a Bottle"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm something of a Renaissance EMH.
     The Doctor, "Bliss"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

 

I'm a Doctor, Not A . . .

What am I, a doctor or a moon-shuttle conductor? If I jumped every time a light came on around here I'd end up talking to myself.  [McCoy is alone when he says this.]
     Dr. McCoy, "The Corbomite Maneuver"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer.
     Dr. McCoy, "The Devil in the Dark"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist.
     Dr. McCoy, "The City on the Edge of Forever"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm a doctor, not an escalator.
     Dr. McCoy, "Friday's Child"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm a doctor, not a mechanic.
     Dr. McCoy, "The Doomsday Machine"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
"Now you're an engineer."
     Dr. McCoy and Scotty, "Mirror, Mirror"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm not a magician, Spock, just an old country doctor.
     Dr. McCoy, "The Deadly Years"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

I'm a doctor, not a coal miner.
     Dr. McCoy, "The Empath"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"Twenty Borg are about to break through that door. We need time to get out of here. Create a diversion."
"This isn't part of my program. I'm a doctor, not a doorstop."
     Dr. Crusher and the Enterprise-EMH, STAR TREK First Contact

 

I'm a doctor, not a botanist.
     Dr. Bashir, "The Wire"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

I'm a doctor, not an historian.
     Dr. Bashir, "Trials and Tribble-ations"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

I'm a doctor, Mr. Neelix, not a decorator.
     The Doctor, "Phage"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a bartender.
     The Doctor, "Twisted"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I am a doctor, not a voyeur. I am programmed to be discreet.
     The Doctor, "Parturition"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"I shouldn't have to remind you, I'm a doctor —"
"— not an engineer, right, but this isn't a typical engineering problem."
     The Doctor and Torres, "Prototype"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a performer.
     The Doctor, "Investigations"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a counter-insurgent.
     The Doctor, "Basics, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I am a diagnostic tool, not an engineer.
     'Zimmerman', "The Swarm"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a database.
     The Doctor, "Future's End, Part II"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"I'm a doctor, not a commando."
"It's time you became a little of both."
     EMH-Mark 2 and The Doctor, "Message in a Bottle"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I am a pilot, Harry, not a doctor!
     Paris, "Message in a Bottle"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a Peeping Tom.
     The Doctor, "Drone"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"Our resources are severely limited. We may need your mobile emitter as a source of power."
"I'm a doctor, not a battery."
     Tuvok and The Doctor, "Gravity"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

This is a Sickbay, not an arsenal.
     The Doctor, "Bliss"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

I'm a doctor, not a dragonslayer.
     The Doctor, "Bliss"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

 

The Engineers of Star Trek

 

All right you lovelies, hold together.
     Scotty, "The Paradise Syndrome"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

That Vulcan won't be satisfied 'till these panels are a puddle of lead!
     Scotty, "The Paradise Syndrome"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

Ma bairns. Ma poor bairns.
     Scotty, "The Paradise Syndrome"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"Can you give me Warp 8?"
"Aye, sir, and maybe a wee bit more. I'll sit on the warp engines myself and nurse them."
"That position, Mr. Scott, would not only be unavailing, but also undignified."
     Spock and Scotty, "That Which Survives"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"How much refit time 'til we can take her out again?"
"Eight weeks, sir. But if you don’t have eight weeks, well I’ll do it for you in two."
"Mr. Scott, have you always multiplied your repair estimates by a factor of four?"
"Certainly, sir. How else can I keep my reputation as a miracle worker?"
"Your reputation is secure, Scotty."
     Kirk and Scotty, STAR TREK III The Search for Spock

 

The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
     Scotty, STAR TREK III The Search for Spock

 

This is going to be like being there to watch Chuck Yeager break the sound barrier, or Zephram Cochrane engage the first warp drive.
     LaForge, "New Ground"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation
     [Of course, in Star Trek First Contact, he is there to see
     Zephram Cochrane engage the first warp engine!]

 

"Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want."
"Yeah, well, I told the captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour."
"How long will it really take?"
"An hour."
"You didn't tell him now long it would really take, did you?"
"Of course I did."
"Laddie, you got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker!"
     Scotty and LaForge, "Relics"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

I have spent my whole life trying to figure out crazy ways of doing things. I'm telling you, as one engineer to another, I can do this.
     Scotty, "Relics"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

It's coming apart lad! I can't do anything else.
     Scotty, "Relics"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

The Chief's a born engineer. He always gives himself a comfortable margin with his repair estimates.
     Jadzia Dax on Chief O'Brien, "Destiny"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"We should be able to make an attempt by tomorrow."
"I want it ready by the end of the day."
"No, Captain, when I say tomorrow, I mean tomorrow. I don't exaggerate. Tomorrow is the best I can do."
     Torres and Janeway, "State of Flux"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

 

The Enterprise(s)
NX-01, NCC-1701, NCC-1701-A,B,C,D,E, and counting

 

KIRK: Mr. Sulu, ahead warp one.
SULU: Warp one, sir.
DEFALCO: Heading, sir?
KIRK: Out there. Thataway.
     STAR TREK The Motion Picture

 

(As they watch the U.S.S. Enterprise plunge to her death through the atmosphere of the Genesis planet)
"My God, Bones, what have I done?"
"What you had to do. What you always do: Turn death into a fighting chance to live."
     Kirk and McCoy, STAR TREK III The Search for Spock

 

The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. We'll get a freighter.
     Dr. McCoy, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

UHURA: Captain, I have orders from Starfleet Command. We're to put back to Spacedock immediately — to be decommissioned.
SPOCK: If I were human, I believe my response would be "Go to hell."
CHEKHOV: Course heading, Captain?
KIRK: Second star to the right — and straight one 'till morning.
     STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

Captain's Log, Stardate 9529.1 This is the final cruise of the starship Enterprise under my command. This ship, and her history, will shortly become the care of another crew. To them, and their posterity, will we commit our future. They will continue the voyages we have begun and journey to all the undiscovered countries, boldly going where no man — where no one — has gone before.
     Captain Kirk, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

"Well, it's a new ship, but she's got the right name. Now you remember that, y'hear."
"I will, sir."
"You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home."
     McCoy and Data, "Encounter At Farpoint"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"Tell me about your ship, Riker. It's the Enterprise, isn't it."
"No, the name of my ship is the Lollipop. ... It's just been commissioned. It's a good ship."
     'Captain Rice' and Riker, "The Arsenal of Freedom"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Fate protects fools, little children, and ships named Enterprise.
     William T. Riker, "Contagion"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Jeremy, on the starship Enterprise, no one is alone . . . no one.
     Captain Picard, "The Bonding"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

Let's make sure history never forgets the name Enterprise.
     Captain Picard, "Yesterday's Enterprise"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"Show me the bridge of the Enterprise you chattering piece of . . ."
"There have been five Federation ships of that name. Please specify by registry number."
"N-C-C-1-7-0-1. No bloody A, B, C, or D."
"Program complete. Enter when ready."
     Scotty and the Holodeck computer, "Relics"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

It wouldn't be the Enterprise without a Sulu at the helm.
     Captain Kirk to Demora Sulu, STAR TREK Generations

 

Somehow I doubt that this will be the last ship to carry the name Enterprise.
     Captain Picard, STAR TREK Generations
          [It wasn't.]

 

"So much for the Enterprise-E."
"We barely knew her."
"Think they'll build another one?"
"Plenty of letters left in the alphabet."
     Dr. Crusher and Picard, STAR TREK First Contact
          [The Enterprise-E did survive that crisis intact, though.]

 

 

Just Another Spatial Anomaly, Just Another Day at the Office
Temporal Anomalies, Spatial Anomalies, and Other Technobabble and Science Friction

 

"All right, Colonel, the truth is I'm a little green man from Alpha Centauri — a beautiful place, you ought to see it."
"I am going to lock you up for two hundred years."
"That ought to be just about right."
     Kirk and Colonel Fellini, "Tomorrow Is Yesterday"
     STAR TREK"  The Original Series

 

"You're proposing that we go backwards in time, find humpback whales, then bring them forward in time, drop 'em off, and hope to hell they tell this probe what to go do with itself?"
"That's the general idea."
"Well that's crazy!"
"If you've got a better idea, now's the time."
     McCoy and Kirk, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

"Excuse me, weren't those a birthday present from Dr. McCoy?"
"And they will be again, that's the beauty of it."
     Spock and Kirk, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

Admiral, if we will assume that these whales are our to do with as we please, we would be as guilty as those who caused their extinction.
     Spock, STAR TREK IV The Voyage Home

 

It appears to be composed of spatially inverted tetryon particles. We believe they are emanating from a tertiary subspace manifold.
     Data, "Schisms"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation
          [!!!!!?????!!!!!]

 

"I have completed my analysis of the anomaly. It appears to be a multi-phasic temporal convergence in the space-time continuum."
"In English, Data."
"It is, in essence, a eruption of anti-time."
     Data and Dr. Crusher, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

In theory, a tomographic imaging scanner capable of multi-phasic resolution would be able to penetrate this much interference.
     Data, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

It's like the chicken and the egg, Will, the chicken and the egg! We think it started in the past, but it didn't, it started right here, in the future. That's why it's getting larger in the past.
     Captain Picard, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"The Continuum didn't think you had it in you, Jean-Luc. But I knew you did."
"Are you saying that it worked? We collapsed the anomaly?"
"Is that all this meant to you? Just another spatial anomaly, just another day at the office?"
"Did it work?"
"Well, you’re here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you?"
"What about my crew?"
"The anomaly, my ship, my crew, I suppose you're worried about your fish, too. Well, if it puts your mind at ease, you've saved humanity, once again."
     Q and Picard, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

This is no time to argue about time. We don't have the time.
     Troi, STAR TREK First Contact

 

Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this technobabble hours ago.
     Q, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Perimeter sensors are picking up a subspace oscillation. The hell does that mean?
     Kira, "If Wishes Were Horses"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

BASHIR: It goes right into his hand, every single time.
O'BRIEN: I must have done this a dozen times by now, and I haven't missed yet.
BASHIR: Nobody could be that lucky; it's impossible.
DAX: Not impossible, just extremely improbable.
     "Rivals"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

future O'BRIEN: But if you feel bad, and you're my past self, shouldn't I feel bad too?
     They chew on this for a second.
future
O'BRIEN and past O'BRIEN together: I hate temporal mechanics.
     "Visionary"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"I couldn't sleep, so I got up and decided to scan the wormhole for radiometric anomalies."
"At three in the morning?"
"I've always found anomalies to be very relaxing. It's a curse."
     Dax and O'Brien, "The Assignment"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

LUCSLY: James T. Kirk. ... Seventeen separate temporal violations — the biggest file on record.
DULMER: The man was a menace. What was the date of your arrival?
SISKO: Stardate 4523.7.
DULMER: (thinks for a moment) A hundred and five years, one month, twelve days ago.
LUCSLY: A Friday.
     "Trials and Tribble-ations"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

One of the more difficult concepts to grasp in temporal mechanics is that effect can precede cause. A reaction can be observed before the action that initiated it.
     Captain Janeway, "Parallax"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Captain's Log, Stardate 48623.5. There are 246 elements known to Federation science. We believe that we have just discovered the 247th, inside the ring system of a class D planet.
     Captain Janeway, "Emanations"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"It's all a little weird."
"Mr. Kim, we're Starfleet officers. 'Weird' is part of the job."
     Kim and Janeway, "Deadlock"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

We could have worn our Starfleet uniforms. I doubt if anyone would have noticed.
     Tuvok, surveying 1996 Los Angeles, "Future's End"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Time travel. Since my first day on the job as a Starfleet captain I swore I'd never let myself get caught in one of these godforsaken paradoxes. The future is the past, the past is the future — it all gives me a headache.
     Captain Janeway, "Future's End"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"Is the Astrometrics Lab designated for recreational use?"
"I come here to meditate. Needless to say, the view from my quarters has been less than stellar lately."
     Seven and Tuvok, "Night"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

My advice in making sense of temporal paradoxes is simple: don't even try.
     Captain Janeway, "Timeless"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

"[The Pogo Paradox:] A causality loop in which interference to prevent an event actually triggers the same event."
"Excellent. Can you give me an example?"
"The Borg once traveled back in time to stop Zephram Cochrane from breaking the warp barrier. They succeeded, but that in turn led the starship Enterprise to intervene. They assisted Cochrane with the flight the Borg were trying to prevent. Causal loop complete."
"So, in a way, the Federation owes its existence to the Borg."
"You're welcome."
     Seven and First Officer Ducane (of the 29th
     century vessel Relativity), "Relativity"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

 

Klingons and Vulcans and Tribbles, Oh, My:
The Aliens of Star Trek

 

Why is any object we don't understand always called a "thing"?
     Dr. McCoy, STAR TREK The Motion Picture

 

Androids

If you had an "Off" switch, Doctor, would you not keep it a secret?
     Data to Dr. Crusher, "Datalore"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Your Honor, Starfleet was founded to seek out new life: well, there it sits (pointing to Data), waiting.
     Captain Picard, "The Measure of a Man"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards.
     Data, "The Offspring"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

If being human is not simply a matter of being born flesh and blood — if it is instead a way of thinking, acting and feeling, then I am hopeful that one day I will discover my own humanity.
     Data, "Data's Day"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

I would gladly risk feeling bad at times if it also meant I could taste my dessert.
     Data, "Hero Worship"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"She [the Borg Queen] brought me closer to humanity than I ever thought possible, and for a time, I was tempted by her offer."
"How long a time?"
"Zero point six eight seconds, sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity."
     Data and Picard, STAR TREK First Contact

 

 

The Borg
Resistance is Futile.  Have a Nice Day.

You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you've encountered so far — the Romulans, the Klingons — they're nothing compared to what's waiting. Picard, you are about to move into areas of the galaxy containing wonders more incredible than you can possibly imagine — and terrors to freeze your soul.
     Q, "Q Who?"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

The Borg is the ultimate user. They're unlike any threat your Federation has ever faced. They're not interested in political conquest, wealth, or power as you know it. They're simply interested in your ship — its technology. They've identified it as something they can consume.
     Q, "Q Who?"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"We may yet prevail. That's a conceit, but it's a healthy one. I wonder if the emperor Honorius watching the Visigoths coming over the seventh hill truly realized that the Roman Empire was about to fall. This is just another page in history, isn't it? Will this be the end of our civilization? Turn the page."
"This isn't the end."
"You say that with remarkable assuredness."
"With experience. When the Borg destroyed my world my people were scattered throughout the universe. We survived, as will humanity survive. As long as there's a handful of you to keep the spirit alive, you will prevail. Even if it takes a millennia."
     Picard and Guinan, "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.
     The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

We wish to improve ourselves. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service ours.
     The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must comply.
     The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Death is irrelevant.
     The Borg, "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service us.
     Locutus of Borg, formerly Captain Picard, 
     "The Best of Both Worlds (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
     Third of Five, "I, Borg"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Resistance is not futile.
     Hugh, formerly Third of Five, "I, Borg"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"Sending Hugh back to the Borg was a very risk — a very dangerous choice, but it was the moral thing to do."
"Well it may turn out that the moral thing to do was not the right thing to do."
     Riker and Picard, "Descent"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

You probably can't imagine what it is like to be so lost and frightened that you will listen to any voice which promises change.
     Hugh, "Descent, Part II"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
     The Borg, STAR TREK First Contact

 

Borg? Sounds Swedish. [later] Definitely not Swedish.
     Lily Sloan, STAR TREK First Contact

 

Reports of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated.
     Captain Picard, STAR TREK First Contact

 

I will not sacrifice the Enterprise. We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here — this far, no farther. And I will make them pay for what they've done!
     Captain Picard, STAR TREK First Contact

 

As the poison filled his veins, the Fox turned to the Scorpion and said, "Why did you do that? Now you'll drown too." "I couldn't help it," said the Scorpion. "It's my nature."
     Chakotay, "Scorpion"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"What's your designation?"
"Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01. But you may call me Seven of Nine."
     Janeway and (duh) Seven of Nine, "Scorpion, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

JANEWAY: Do you have a better idea?
SEVEN OF NINE: We are Borg.
TUVOK: I take that as a yes.
     "Scorpion, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

You are individuals. You are small and you think in small terms.
     Seven of Nine, "Scorpion, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

When your captain first approached us we suspected that an agreement with humans would prove impossible to maintain. You are erratic, conflicted, disorganized. Every decision is debated, every action questioned, every individual entitled to their own small opinion. You lack harmony, cohesion . . . greatness. It will be your undoing.
     Seven of Nine, "Scorpion, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

I guess the Borg meet a lot of people, don't they? (To himself) Stupid question.
     Kim to Seven of Nine, "The Gift"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"The vessel Ensign Kim was describing — it was designated the Phoenix."
"Not bad. I didn't realize you knew so much about Earth history."
"I don't, but the Borg were present during those events."
"Really?"
"It's a complicated story, perhaps another time."
     Seven and Kim, "The Year of Hell, Part I"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

As a Borg, I submitted to a single authority — the Collective. Over the past several months, I've been encouraged to think and act as an individual. It is difficult to know when to restrain myself.
     Seven of Nine, "The Year of Hell, Part II"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"You make contact with alien species without sufficient understanding of their nature. As a result, Voyager's directive to 'seek out new civilizations' often ends in conflict."
"What you call ignorance, we call exploration. And sometimes it means taking a few risks — but it's certainly better than assimilating everything in your path."
"Your goal is to share knowledge. Assimilation is the perfect means of attaining that goal."
     Seven and Neelix, "Random Thoughts"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"The Kazon. Species 329. ... Their biological and technological distinctiveness was unremarkable. They were unworthy of assimilation."
"I didn't realize the Borg were so discriminating."
"Why assimilate a species that would detract from perfection?"
"Good point."
     Seven and Neelix, "Mortal Coil"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"I'm getting tired of playing referee every time you two have a disagreement. If you have a problem, talk to her yourself."
"Does the word 'irrelevant' mean anything to you? She won't listen. She may look human, she may sound human, but she's all Borg."
     Chakotay and Torres, "Message in a Bottle"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"This isn't shore leave. There will be no time for recreational activities."
"The Borg — party poopers of the Galaxy. Tomorrow we'll start you on a new social exercise: developing your joie de vivre."
     Seven and The Doctor, "Drone"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

How many Borg hitchhikers are we gonna pick up on this trip? Maybe this is the Collective's new strategy: they don't assimilate anymore, they just show up and look helpless.
     Torres, "Drone"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"Neelix told me that the Borg do a lot of the things they do because they're trying to be perfect. And even though you're not really a drone anymore, you still try to be perfect, don't you? ... Well, if I can learn to be perfect, too, then Captain Janeway will have to make me her bridge assistant. ..."
"And you hope to achieve this goal by emulating me?"
"Are you mad?"
"No. There are many on this crew that would benefit from your example."
     Samantha and Seven, "Infinite Regress"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"My mom says two heads are better than one. Isn't that the Borg philosophy, too?"
"Simplistic, but accurate."
     Samantha and Seven, "Bliss"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"They've left behind their trivial selfish lives and they've been reborn with a greater purpose. We've delivered them from chaos into order."
"Comforting words. Use them next time instead of 'Resistance is futile.' You may elicit a few volunteers."
     The Borg Queen and Seven, "Dark Frontier"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Survival is insufficient.
     Seven of Nine, "Survival Instinct"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park.
     Torres, "Tsunkatse"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

 

Changelings

You think the whole galaxy is plotting around you, don't you? Paranoia must run in your species, Odo. Maybe that's why no one has ever seen another shape-shifter: they're all hiding!
     Quark, "Vortex"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine
          [This actually turns out to be not too far from the truth!]

 

LWAXANA: (to Odo) All the men I have known have needed to be shaped and molded and manipulated, and finally I've found a man who knows how to do it himself.
     Lwaxana Troi to Odo, "The Forsaken"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

 

The Ferengi
Hold On To Your Latinum!

The Ferengi are believed to conduct their affairs of commerce on the ancient principle caveat emptor — let the buyer beware.
     Data, "The Last Outpost"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Is this a female? A human female? It is true! You work with your females, arm them, and force them to wear clothing.
     Letek, "The Last Outpost"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"Proof of their barbarism: they adorn themselves with gold — a despicable use of the valuable metal — and they shamelessly clothe their females —"
"— inviting others to unclothe them; the very depth of perversion."
     Letek and Mordok, "The Last Outpost"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

As you humans say, I'm all ears.
     Razago (a Ferengi), "The Battle"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

We throw them [Ferengi children] into the cut-throat competition of Ferengi commerce, and anyone who survives, graduates.
     Rom, "A Man Alone"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Never trust anyone who places your prosperity above their own. And remember: when in doubt, be ruthless.
     Grand Nagus Zek, "The Nagus"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

You Federation types are all alike. You talk about tolerance and understanding, but you only practice it towards people who remind you of yourselves. Because you disapprove of Ferengi values you scorn us, distrust us, insult us every chance you get.
     Quark, "The Jem'Hadar"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"You know, Commander, I think I figured out why humans don't like Ferengi. ... The way I see it, humans used to be a lot like Ferengi — greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget."
"Quark, we don't have time for this."
"But you're overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi. Slavery, concentration camps, interstellar wars — we have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see, we're nothing like you — we're better."
     Quark and Sisko, "The Jem'Hadar"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"Remember, my house is my house."
"As are its contents."
     Quark and Brunt, "Family Business"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"You humans. All you want to do is please your women. You want them to be your friends. But we Ferengi know better. Women are the enemy, and we treat them accordingly."
     Quark, "Indiscretion"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Speed of technological advance isn't nearly as important as short-term quarterly gains.
     Quark, "Little Green Men"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

There's no lock that can't be picked.
     Quark, "Starship Down"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

It's not easy keeping secrets from a Ferengi.
     Nog, "Paradise Lost (Part 2 of 2)"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Ferengi workers don't want to stop the exploitation, they want to find a way to become the exploiters.
     Rom, "Bar Association"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Employees have no right to question the management's decisions.
     Quark, "Bar Association"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"I just received an odd message from a Dr. Orpax on Ferengenar. He wanted me to tell you that he's very sorry, but you don't have Darek's Syndrome. ..."
"You know what that means, Rom? ... (shouting excitedly) It means I get to sue Dr. Orpax for malpractice! And I'm gonna live."
     Bashir and Quark, "Body Parts"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

BRUNT: You give your customers credit at the bar! You only take a thirty percent kickback from your employees' tips! And you sold food and medicine to Bajoran refugees at cost!
QUARK: That's not true. It was just above cost.
BRUNT: Close enough. It was still a generous hoo-manitarian gesture. You’ve gone Starfleet. You might as well be wearing one of their uniforms! It’s people like you that give honest Ferengi businessmen a bad name.
     Brunt and Quark, "Body Parts"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I'm a businessman, and more than that, I'm a Ferengi businessman. Do you know what that means? It means that I'm not exploiting and cheating people at random. I'm doing it according to a specific set of rules — the Rules of Acquisition — and I won't disregard them when I find them inconvenient.
     Quark, "Body Parts"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"You’re Gint. You wrote the Rules of Acquisition, the sacred precepts on which all Ferengi society is based. You of all people can’t expect me to break them."
"They’re just rules. They’re written in a book, not carved in stone. And even if they were in stone, so what? A bunch of us just made them up."
"Are you saying they don’t matter?"
"Of course they matter! That’s why they’re a best-seller. But we’re talking about your life here. The rules are nothing but guideposts, suggestions."
"Then why call them rules?"
"Would you buy a book called Suggestions of Acquisition? Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it?"
"You mean it was a marketing ploy?"
"Shhh. A brilliant one. Rule of Acquisition number 239: Never be afraid to mislabel a product."
     'Gint' and Quark, "Body Parts"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

QUARK: Back home, pregnancy is considered a rental.
KIRA and DAX: (in shock) Rental?
     "Nor the Battle to the Strong"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

There's no word for crisp on Ferengenar.
     Quark, "Let He Who is Without Sin..."
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

SISKO: A Dominion invasion of Ferengenar?
ROM: Think of the terrible repercussions to the Alpha Quadrant!
WORF: I cannot think of any.
     "Profit and Lace"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

It's the force that binds the Universe together. ... You see, there are millions upon millions of worlds in the Universe, each one filled with too much of one thing, and not enough of another. And the Great Continuum flows through them all, like a mighty river, from have to want and back again. And if we navigate the Continuum with skill and grace, our ship will be filled with everything our hearts desire.
     Nog describes the Great Material Continuum in 
     "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

This disease has got to be stopped before it destroys everything Ferengenar stands for. If Zek wants me to be Nagus, he's going to have to let me do things my way, or else, I'll turn down the job. … I won't preside over the demise of Ferengi civilization. Not me! The line has to be drawn here! This far, and no further!
     Quark, "The Dogs of War"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

The Ferengi call it the Five Stages of Acquisition: infatuation, justification, appropriation, obsession, and resale.
     Harry Kim, "Alice"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

 

The Klingons
Today is a Good Day To Die

Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.
     Klingon soldier, "The Day of the Dove"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

Guess who's coming to dinner.
     Chekov, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

If there is to be a brave new world, our generation is going to have the hardest time living in it.
     Chancellor Gorkon, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

"Drink not with thine enemy" — the rigid Klingon code. Explains something of why you defeated them.
     Q, "Hide and Q"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"I believe, sir, that was the first time outsiders have witnessed the Klingon Death Ritual."
"I can understand them looking into a dying man's eyes, but the howling?"
"It was a warning. ... They are warning the dead, sir: 'Beware — a Klingon warrior is about to arrive.'"
     Data and Picard, "Heart of Glory"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Swimming is too much like bathing.
     Worf, "Conspiracy"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Klingons never bluff.
     Worf, "The Emissary"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"May I say, your attempt to hold the Away Team at bay with a non-functioning weapon was an act of unmitigated gall."
"Didn't fool you, huh?"
"I admire gall."
     Worf and Kevin Uxbridge, "The Survivors"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

[Prune juice] . . . A warrior's drink.
     Worf, "Yesterday's Enterprise"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

It is a good day to die, Duras, and the day is not yet over.
     Worf, "Sins of the Father"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Sir, I protest, I am not a merry man!
     Worf, protesting Q's transporting the 
     crew into Sherwood Forest, "Qpid"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

A warrior does not let a friend face danger alone.
     Worf, "The Outcast"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Long ago a storm was heading toward the city of Quin'Lat. The people sought protection within the walls — all except one man who remained outside. I went to him and asked what he was doing. "I am not afraid," he said. "I will not hide my face behind stone and mortar. I will stand before the wind and make it respect me." I honored his choice, and went inside. The next day the storm came and the man was killed. The wind does not respect a fool.
     Kahless, "Rightful Heir"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Klingons do not procrastinate. It is a tactical delay.
     Worf, "Liaisons"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"I do not see why it is necessary to wear these ridiculous uniforms. ... They look like dresses."
"That is an incredibly outmoded and sexist attitude. I'm surprised at you. Besides, you look good in a dress." [Riker wisely leaves the room as Worf growls.]
     Worf and Riker, "Liaisons"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Perhaps today is a good day to die!
     Worf, STAR TREK First Contact

 

The old Klingon ways are passing. There was a time, when I was a young man, the mere mention of the Klingon Empire made worlds tremble. Now our warriors are opening restaurants, and serving rakht to the grandchildren of men I slaughtered in battle. Things are not what they used to be.
     Kang, "Blood Oath"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

If the invasion was seen as a failure, Gowron would have been assassinated by now. He simply declared victory and went home.
     Worf, "Hippocratic Oath"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

LENARA: I think Mr. Worf is less than enthusiastic about heading a research mission. It's not exactly what every Klingon dreams about.
KIRA: What do Klingons dream about?
WORF: Things that would send cold chills down your spine, and wake you in the middle of the night. No, it is better you do not know. Excuse me.
KIRA: I can never tell when he's joking.
LENARA: Maybe it is better that we do not know.
     "Rejoined"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

You know what I like about Klingon stories, Commander? Nothing. Lots of people die, and nobody makes any profit.
     Quark, "The Sword of Kahless"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

A true warrior has no need to exaggerate his feats.
     Worf, "The Sword of Kahless"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

KIRA: I suppose your gods aren't as cryptic as ours.
WORF: Our gods are dead. Ancient Klingon warriors slew them a millennia ago. They were more trouble than they were worth.
KIRA: I don't think I'll ever understand Klingons.
O'BRIEN: Don't worry about it, Major. Nobody does. That's the way they like it.
     "Homefront (Part 1 of 2)"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

Non-lethal skills are not valued in the Empire
     Worf, "Sons of Mogh"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"The idea of a Ferengi courting a great lady is . . . offensive."
"You know, it's attitudes like that that keep you people from getting invited to all the really good parties."
     Worf and Quark, "Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

BASHIR: Those are Klingons? ...
WORF: They are Klingons, and it is a long story.
O'BRIEN: What happened? Some kind of genetic engineering?
BASHIR: A viral mutation?
WORF: We do not discuss it with outsiders.
     Discussing the differences between Original-Series-Klingons and
     Next-Generation-era- Klingons, "Trials and Tribble-ations"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

If I have to listen to another ballad about the honored dead, I'll go stark raving mad.
     Dr. Bashir, after a few weeks aboard a 
     Klingon vessel, "Sons and Daughters"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I tell you, Worf, war is much more fun when you're winning! Defeat makes my wounds ache.
     General Martok, "Sons and Daughters"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

A vital mission, impossible odds, and a ruthless enemy — what more could we ask for! I tell you, Worf, I feel young again.
     General Martok, "Sons and Daughters"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"... when it comes to Klingon tradition, Worf is very sentimental."
"Worf?"
"All men are sentimental; they just cover it up with scowls and clenched jaws. There are times when Worf gets literally misty-eyed talked about Klingon rituals."
     Dax and Kira, "You Are Cordially Invited"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"There's nothing more romantic than a wedding on DS9 in springtime."
"When the neutrinos are in bloom."
     Bashir and O'Brien, "You Are Cordially Invited"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"Four nights of a Klingon bachelor party, just think of the possibilities."
"Thank God Keiko's not here."
     Bashir and O'Brien, "You Are Cordially Invited"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"You never told me that your wife was opposed to this marriage."
"Sirella is a woman of strong convictions; she believes that by bringing aliens into our families we risk losing our identity as Klingons."
"That is a prejudiced, xenophobic attitude."
"We are Klingons, Worf. We don't embrace other cultures, we conquer them!"
     Worf and Martok, "You Are Cordially Invited"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

And when the two hearts began to beat together, they filled the heavens with a terrible sound. For the first time, the gods knew fear. They tried to flee, but it was too late. The Klingon hearts destroyed the gods who created them, and turned the heavens to ashes. To this very day, no one can oppose the beating of two Klingon hearts.
     Sirella, "You Are Cordially Invited"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"So, what did you find out?"
"That you should never try to match drinks with a Klingon."
     Quark and O'Brien, "Image in the Sand"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

With Lt. Torres, "upset" is a relative term.
     The Doctor, "Blood Fever"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

 

The Q Continuum

"We human know our past, even when we're ashamed of it. I recognize this court system as the one that agreed with the line from Shakespeare: 'Kill all the lawyers' —"
"Which was done."
"— leading to the verdict 'Guilty until proven innocent.'"
"Of course. Bringing the innocent to trial would be unfair. You will now answer to the charge of being a grievously savage race."
     Picard and Q, "Encounter at Farpoint"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"The first time we met you, you put us on trial for the 'crimes of humanity.'"
"Of which you were exonerated."
     Riker and Q, "Q Who?"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

If you can't take a little bloody nose maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. Its wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid.
     Q, "Q Who?"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"Be quiet! or disappear back where you came from."
"I can't disappear — any more than you can win a beauty contest."
     Worf and Q, "Deja Q"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"Would I permit you to lock me away if I still had all my powers?"
"You have fooled us too often, Q."
"Oh, perspicacity incarnate. Please don't feel compelled now to tell me the story of the boy who cried Worf."
     Q and Worf, "Deja Q"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

This [force field] is getting on my nerves, now that I have them.
     Q, "Deja Q"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

I'm not good in groups. It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
     Q, "Deja Q"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"I've just been paid a visit from Q."
"Q? Any idea what he's up to?"
"He wants to do something nice for me."
"I'll alert the crew."
     Picard and Riker, "Qpid"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"You're dead, this is the afterlife . . . and I'm God."
"You are not God!"
"Blasphemy. You're lucky I don't cast you out or smite you or something."
     Q and Picard, "Tapestry"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

There are many parts of my youth that I'm not proud of. There were loose threads, untidy parts of me that I would like to remove. But when I pulled on one of those threads, it unraveled the tapestry of my life.
     Captain Picard, "Tapestry"
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"The trial never ended, Captain. We never reached a verdict. But now we have. You're guilty."
"Guilty of what?"
"Of being inferior. Seven years ago I said we'd be watching you and we have been — hoping that your ape-like race would demonstrate some growth, give some indication that your minds had room for expansion, but what have we seen instead? You worrying about Commander Riker's career, listening to Counselor Troi's pedantic psychobabble, indulging Data in his witless exploration of humanity."
"We've journeyed to countless new worlds, we've contacted new species. We have expanded our understanding of the universe."
"In your own paltry, limited way. You have no idea how far you have still to go. But instead of using the last seven years to change and to grow, you have squandered them."
"We are what we are, and we’re doing the best we can. It is not for you to set the standards by which we shall be judged."
"Oh, but it is, and we have. Time may be eternal, Captain, but our patience is not. It’s time to put an end to your trek through the stars, make room for other, more worthy, species."
     Q and Picard, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

Two [Enterprise's] down, one to go. ... Goodbye, Jean-Luc. I'm going to miss you. You had such potential. But then, all good things must come to an end.
     "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

The anomaly, my ship, my crew, I suppose you're worried about your fish, too. Well, if it puts your mind at ease, you've saved humanity, once again.
     Q, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

(looking around the courtroom from "Farpoint") "I sincerely hope this is the last time I find myself here."
"You just don't get it, do you? The trial never ends. We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons, and for one brief moment, you did."
"When I realized the paradox."
"Exactly. For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had never considered. That is the exploration that awaits you. Not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence."
     Picard and Q, "All Good Things . . ."
     STAR TREK: The Next Generation

 

"It's over, Q, I want you out of my life. You are arrogant, you're overbearing, and you think you know everything."
"But I do know everything."
"That makes it even worse."
     Vash and Q, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

SISKO: (to Vash) Tell me about Q.
Q: (suddenly turning around) I'll tell you anything you want to know, Commander. Just answer one question? Is Starfleet penalizing you, or did you actually request such a dismal command?
     "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"I guess it's my fate to be the Galaxy's whipping boy. Oh, heavy is the burden of being me."
"If you're looking for sympathy, you've come to the wrong place."
"Actually, what I was hoping for a little witty repartee, but I can see I'm not going to get any of that, either. (To Vash) At least your beloved Jean-Luc knew how to turn a phrase."
     Q and Sisko, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

"You hit me. Picard never hit me."
"I'm not Picard."
"Indeed not. You're much easier to provoke. How fortunate for me."
     Q and Sisko, "Q-Less"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

I apologize for the inconvenience.
     Q3 ('Quinn'), "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"How did you get out, Q?"
"I'm afraid we're responsible for that."
"Oh, well, I guess that's what we get for having a woman in the captain's seat."
     Q and Janeway, "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Facial art? Oooh, how very wilderness of you.
     Q to Chakotay, "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

We seem to be tethered to some kind of large plant.
     Paris, wondering why the ship is now an 
     ornament on a Christmas tree, "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Did anyone ever tell you you're angry when you're beautiful.
     Q to Janeway, "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Without Q[3], there would have been no William T. Riker at all, and I would have lost at least a dozen really good opportunities to insult him over the years. Oh, and lest I forget, without Q, the Borg would have assimilated the Federation.
     Q, "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

They feared me so much they had to lock me away for eternity. And when they did that, they were saying that the individual's rights will be protected only so long as they don't conflict with the state's. Nothing is so dangerous to a society. ... When life has become futile, meaningless, unendurable, it must be allowed to end.
     Q3 ('Quinn'), "Death Wish"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

TORRES: You know, I have really had it with this superiority complex of your.
Q4: It's not a complex, dear; it's a fact.
     Torres and 'Miss Q', "The Q and the Grey"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

 

The Romulans

Earth believes the Romulans to be warlike, cruel, treacherous. And only the Romulans know what they think of Earth.
     Spock, "Balance of Terror"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"And if the Romulans are an offshoot of my Vulcan blood — and I think this likely — then attack becomes even more imperative."
"War is never imperative, Mr. Spock."
"It is for them, Doctor. Vulcan, like Earth, had its aggressive, colonizing period — savage, even by Earth standards — and if the Romulans retained this martial philosophy, then weakness is something we dare not show."
     Spock and McCoy, "Balance of Terror"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

The Romulans generally prefer to sit back and pull the strings from a distance if they can.
     Commander Sisko, "Visionary"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

 

Tribbles
Nobody Knows the Tribbles I've Seen

UHURA: Cyrano Jones says that a tribble is the only love that money can buy.
KIRK: Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing.
     Uhura and Kirk, "The Trouble With Tribbles"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"You should sell an instruction and maintenance manual with this thing [a tribble]."
"If I did what would happen to man's search for knowledge."
     Kirk and Cyrano Jones, "The Trouble With Tribbles"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"I gave them a very good home, sir."
"Where?!"
"I gave them to the Klingons, sir."
"You gave them to the Klingons?"
"Aye, sir. Before they went into warp I transported the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room — where they’ll be no tribble at all."
     Scotty and Kirk, "The Trouble With Tribbles"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"They [tribbles] were once considered mortal enemies of the Klingon Empire."
"Hmpf. This? (He hold the tribble out toward Worf, and it starts chattering in fear.) A mortal enemy of the Empire?"
"They were an ecological menace. A plague to be wiped out. ... Hundreds of warriors were sent to track them down throughout the Galaxy. An armada obliterated the Tribble homeworld. By the end of the 23rd century, they had been eradicated."
"Hmpf. Another glorious chapter of Klingon history. Tell me, do they still sing songs of the Great Tribble Hunt?"
     Worf and Odo, "Trials and Tribble-ations"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

 

Trills

There's times when the computer will ask me to identify myself, and I have to think about what to say. Or worse yet, there's days when I wake up, and I don't even know if I'm a man or a woman until I pull back the covers.
     Ezri Dax, "Prodigal Daughter"
     STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine

 

 

Vulcans
A Logical Category

BAILEY: Raising my voice back there doesn't mean I was scared or couldn't do my job; it means I happen to have a human thing called an adrenaline gland.
SPOCK: It does sound most inconvenient, however; have you considered having it removed.
     Lt. Bailey and Spock, "The Corbomite Maneuver"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

SPOCK: I regret not having learned more about this Balok. In some manner he was reminiscent of my father.
SCOTTY: Then may heaven have helped your mother.
SPOCK: Quite the contrary. She considered herself a very fortunate Earth woman.
     Spock and Scotty, "The Corbomite Maneuver"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Smack right in the old heart. [hitting his chest with his fist] Oh, I'm sorry. In your case it would be about here." [he taps his side with his fist]
"The fact that my internal arrangement is different from yours, Doctor, pleases me to no end."
     McCoy and Spock, "Mudd's Women"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Why don't you tell me I'm an attractive young lady, or ask me if I've ever been in love? Tell me how your planet Vulcan looks on a lazy evening when the moon is full."
"Vulcan has no moon, Miss Uhura."
"I'm not surprised, Mr. Spock."
     Uhura and Spock, "The Man Trap"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Your pulse is 242, your blood pressure is practically non-existent — assuming you call that green stuff in your veins blood."
"The reading are perfectly normal for me, Doctor, thank you. And as for my anatomy being different from yours, I am delighted."
     McCoy and Spock, "The Naked Time"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

Vulcanians do not speculate. I speak from pure logic. If I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity, I need not see it fall to know that it has, in fact, fallen.
     Spock, "Court-Martial"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

... the simple fact that he's a Vulcan means that he's incapable of telling a lie.
     Dr. McCoy, "The Menagerie (Part I)"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

I am what I am, Leila. And if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's.
     Spock, "This Side of Paradise"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

LEILA: You never told me if you had another name, Mr. Spock.
SPOCK: (almost smiling) You couldn't pronounce it.
     "This Side of Paradise"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

To coin a phrase — "fascinating."
     Dr. McCoy, "Who Mourns For Adonis?"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

Vulcans never bluff.
     Spock, "The Doomsday Machine"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Vulcan honors us with your presence. We come to serve."
"Your service honors us, Captain."
     Spock and Sarek, "Journey To Babel"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Spock, are you alive?"
"An illogical question, Doctor, since obviously you are hearing my voice."
"Well, I don't know why I was worried. You can't kill a computer."
     McCoy and Spock, "A Private Little War"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"Don't quote odds and don't give me any more dispassionate logic, Mr. Spock, just keep looking for them!"
"I would welcome a suggestion, Doctor, even an emotional one, as to where to look."
"First time you've ever asked me for anything and it has to be an occasion like this."
     McCoy and Spock, "The Gamesters of Triskelion"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"We shall continue sensor scans, Doctor. At the moment, that is all we can do, except hope for a rational explanation."
"Hope? I always thought that was a human failing, Mr. Spock."
"True, doctor. Constant exposure does result in a certain degree of contamination."
     Spock and McCoy, "The Gamesters of Triskelion"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

"Are you trying to be funny, Mr. Spock?"
"It would never occur to me."
     Kirk and Spock, "The Immunity Syndrome"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

KIRK: My neck feels like it's been twisted off.
McCOY: That's the Vulcan Death Grip for you.
NURSE CHAPEL: There's no such thing as a Vulcan Death Grip.
KIRK: Ah, but the Romulans don't know that.
     "The Enterprise Incident"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

Vulcan was in danger of being destroyed by the same conditions and characteristics which threaten to destroy Charon. We were once a people like yourselves, wildly emotional, often committed to irrationally opposing points of view, leading of course to death and destruction. Only the discipline of logic saved my planet from extinction.
     Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

They regard themselves as aliens in their own worlds — a condition with which I am somewhat familiar.
     Spock, "The Way To Eden"
     STAR TREK: The Original Series

 

"He's never what I expect, sir."
"What surprises you, Lieutenant?"
"He's so . . . ."
"Nobody's perfect, Saavik."
     Lt. Saavik and Spock, describing Admiral Kirk, 
     STAR TREK II The Wrath of Khan

 

"You're suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, Doctor."
"That green-blooded son of a bitch. It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost."
     Kirk and McCoy, STAR TREK III The Search for Spock

 

I've been dead before.
     Spock, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

Vulcan mind-melds. Utter foolishness. Anybody with an ounce of sense wouldn't share his brain with someone else. Would you? I certainly wouldn't. And of course, when something goes wrong, and believe me it does more than they'd like to admit, the first thing they call out is "Doctor."
     The Doctor, "Meld"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"You're acting more Tuvokian than usual this morning."
"I am who I am, Mr. Neelix. It is impossible for me to be more or less like myself."
     Neelix and Tuvok, "Tuvix"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"Why don't we sing a song while we toil? It'll cheer you up. I've been studying Vulcan music. Do you know that lovely tune that starts (singing) 'Oh starless night of boundless black —'"
"That 'lovely tune' is a traditional funeral dirge."
"I know. But it was the most cheerful song I could find in the Vulcan database. ..."
"Do you think you could possibly behave a little less like yourself."
     Neelix and Tuvok, "Tuvix"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

The Vulcan talent for stating the obvious never ceases to amaze me.
     'Miss Q', "The Q and the Grey"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"Tuvok's meditation lamp. I was with him when he got it, six years ago, from a Vulcan master — who doubled his price when he saw our Starfleet insignias."
"I'm sure it was the logical thing to do."
     Janeway and Kes, "The Gift"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

Vulcans do not make small talk.
     Tuvok, "Concerning Flight"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"In accepting the inevitable, one finds peace."
"If that another Vulcan saying, Tuvok, I'll stick with 'Live long and prosper.'"
     Tuvok and Paris, "Once Upon A Time"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"I always thought that beneath that cold Vulcan exterior lay . . . an even colder Vulcan interior, but now I'm convinced you're a hopeless romantic."
"There is no need to insult me, Mr. Paris."
     Paris and Tuvok, "Gravity"
     STAR TREK: Voyager

 

"The Vulcan database said no one leaves this club unhappy."
"How would the Vulcans know?"
     Reed and Tucker, "Two Days and Two Nights"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

 

The United Federation of Planets / Starfleet

 

SPOCK: The Prime Directive is in full force, Captain?
KIRK: No identification of self or mission. No interference with the social development of said planet.
McCOY: No references to space or the fact that there are other worlds or more advanced civilizations.
     "Bread and Circuses"
     STAR TREK:  The Original Series

 

The Federation is nothing more than a homo sapiens-only club.
     Azetbur, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

This president is not above the law.
     Federation President, STAR TREK VI The Undiscovered Country

 

"Her society is aware that there is interstellar life?"
"No, sir."
"Ooops."
     Picard and Data, "Pen Pals"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

I hate to think how you would judge us by our popular music and entertainment.
     Mirasta, "First Contact"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I go home each night to a loving wife and two beautiful daughters, and eat evening meal together as a family. I think that's important. And they always ask me if I've had a good day."
"And how will you answer them tonight, Chancellor?"
"I will have to say: 'This morning I was the leader of the universe as I knew it. This afternoon, I am only a voice in a chorus . . . but I think it was a good day.'"
     Chancellor Durken and Captain Picard, "First Contact"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

"I think you've got a great deal to learn from Starfleet."
"I always thought Starfleet had a lot to learn from me, Captain."
"That's an attitude that I've found common among the best officers I've ever served with."
     Picard and Ro Laren, "Ensign Ro"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth — whether it's scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth. It is the guiding principle on which Starfleet is based.
     Captain Picard, "The First Duty"
     STAR TREK:  The Next Generation

 

First contact is not what it used to be.
     Commander Sisko, "Move Along Home"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Are humans really any different than Cardassians or Romulans? If push comes to shove, if something disastrous happens to the Federation — if we are frightened enough or desperate enough — how would we react? Would we stay true to our ideals, or do we just stay here, right back where we started?"
"I don't know. But as a Starfleet officer, it's my job to make sure we never have to find out."
     Bashir and Sisko, "Part Tense, Part I"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"I want you to try something for me. Take a sip of this. ... It's called root beer. ..."
"Sigh." (He sips it and makes a face.)
"What do you think?"
"It's vile."
"I know. It's so bubbly and cloying and happy."
"Just like the Federation."
"But you know what's really frightening? If you drink enough of it, you begin to like it."
"It's insidious."
"Just like the Federation."
"You think they'll be able to save us?"
"I hope so."
     Quark and Garak, "The Way of the Warrior"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

I've been working with the Federation for a number of years. They claim to be open and understanding, but somehow they're always convinced that they're right. It can be exasperating at times.
     Odo, "Crossfire"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

You know, in some ways, you're even worse than the Borg. At least they tell you about their plans for assimilation. You're more insidious. You assimilate people, and they don't even know it.
     Michael Eddington, "For the Cause"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"You know the Rules of Acquisition?"
"I am a graduate of Starfleet Academy. I know many things."
     Dax and Worf, "The Darkness and the Light"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

"Inter arma enim silent leges."
"'In time of war the law falls silent.' Cicero. So is that what we have become? a twenty-fourth century Rome, driven nothing other than the certainty that Caesar can do no wrong!"
     Admiral Ross and Bashir, "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

Dismissed. That's a Starfleet expression for "Get out."
     Captain Janeway, "The Cloud"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

We have our own set of rules, which includes the Prime Directive. How many times have we been in the position of refusing to interfere when some kind of disaster threatened an alien culture? It's all very well to say we do it on the basis of an enlightened principle, but how does that feel to the aliens? I'm sure many of them think the Prime Directive is a lousy idea.
     Captain Janeway, "Prime Factor"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

My diplomacy professor used to say the opening twenty minutes of a first contact situation are the most crucial.
     Captain Janeway, "Innocence"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

That was a very different time, Mr. Kim. Captain Sulu, Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy — they all belonged to a different breed of Starfleet officer. Imagine the era they lived in. The Alpha Quadrant was still largely unexplored. Humanity on verge of war with Klingons, Romulans lurking behind every nebula — even the technology we take for granted was still in its early stages — no plasma weapons, no multiphasic shields, and their ships weren't half as fast. ... Space must have seemed a whole lot bigger back then. It's not surprising they had to bend the rules a little. They were a little slower to invoke the Prime Directive, and a little quicker to pull their phasers. Of course, the whole bunch of them would be booted out of Starfleet today, but I have to admit — I would have loved to ride shotgun at least once with a group of officers like that.
     Captain Janeway, "Flashback"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Sometimes first contact is last contact.
     Captain Janeway, "Waking Moments"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Someday, my people are going to come up with some sort of a doctrine — something that tells us what we can and can't do, should and shouldn't do. But until somebody tells me that they've drafted that . . . directive, I'm going to have to remind myself every day that we didn't come out here to play God.
     Archer to Dr. Phlox, "Dear Doctor"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

"I thought you'd decided not to interfere with other cultures."
"In this case, I'm making an exception."
     Mayweather and Archer, "Detained"
     STAR TREK:  ENTERPRISE

 

 

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

 

Every Ferengi business transaction is governed by 285 Rules of Acquisition to ensure a fair and honest deal for all parties concerned. Well, most of them, anyway.
     Quark, "The Maquis, Part I"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

1. Once you have their money . . . you never give it back.

3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

7. Keep your ears open.

8. Small print leads to large risk.

9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

10. Greed is eternal.

13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

15. Dead men close no deals.

16. A deal is a deal.

17. A contract is a contract is a contract — but only between Ferengi.

18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

21. Never place friendship above profit.

22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

27. There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

31. Never insult a Ferengi's mother.

33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

34. War is good for business.

35. Peace is good for business. ("It's easy to get them confused." — Quark)

40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.

41. Profit is its own reward.

44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.

47. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

52. Never ask when you can take.

57. Good customers are as rare as latinum — treasure them.

58. There is no substitute for success.

59. Free advice is seldom cheap.

60. Keep your lies consistent.

62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.

69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

74. Knowledge equals power.

75. Home is where the heart is . . . but the stars are made of latinum.

76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.

89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

94. Females and finances don't mix.

95. Expand or die.

97. Enough . . . is never enough.

98. Every man has his price.

99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.

102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

103. Sleep can interfere . . . (interrupted)

104. Faith moves mountains . . . of inventory.

106. There is no honor in poverty.

109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

111. Treat people in your debt like family . . . exploit them.

112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.

113. Always have sex with the boss.

121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.

123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.

139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.

141. Only fools pay retail.

144. There's nothing wrong with charity . . . as long as it winds up in your pocket.

162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.

168. Whisper your way to success.

177. Know your enemies . . . but do business with them always.

181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

190. Hear all; trust nothing.

191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

192. Never cheat a Klingon . . . unless you're sure you can get away with it.

194. It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

202. The justification for profit is profit.

203. New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.

208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success — don't hesitate to step on them.

214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.

217. You can't free a fish from water.

218. Always know what you're buying.

219. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.

223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

236. You can't buy fate.

239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.

242. More is good . . . all is better.

255. A wife is a luxury . . . a smart accountant a necessity.

261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.

266. When in doubt, lie.

284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.

285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

No. unknown. Exploitation begins at home.

The Unwritten Rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up.

 

 

Revised Rules of Acquisition from
"Prophet Motive" (Deep Space Nine)

1. If they want their money back, give it to them.

10. Greed is dead.

21. Never place profit before friendship.

22. Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.

23. Money can never replace dignity.

285. A good deed is its own reward.

 

 

Other Rules and Near-Rules

Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thanks them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.
     Rule of Acquisition 299, presumably spurious, "False Profits"
     STAR TREK:  Voyager

 

Rule of Acquisition Number 286: When Morn leaves, it's over.
     Quark, "The House of Quark"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine

 

It's never too early to suck up to the boss.
     Brunt, "The Dogs of War"
     STAR TREK:  Deep Space Nine