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Motivations and Demotivations

 

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

 

A high tide lifts all boats, except those with a big gaping hole in the bottom.

 

A job worth doing is worth complaining about.

 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course, so does falling down a flight of stairs.

 

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

 

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

 

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

 

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

 

Any new venture goes through the following stages: enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and decoration of those who did nothing.

 

As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

 

Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman.

 

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you can survive the odds beating you.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

 

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

 

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

 

Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant nagging?

 

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse under the weight of all those failures.

 

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

 

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

 

Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition.

 

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Have an adequate day.

 

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

 

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

 

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

 

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

 

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

 

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

 

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

 

I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.

 

If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

 

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

 

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

 

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

 

If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner.

 

If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you, perhaps you have underestimated the seriousness of the situation.

 

If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

 

It hurts to admit when you've made mistakes, but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village.

 

It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

It's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.

 

It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.

 

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

 

Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.

 

Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.

 

Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut.

 

Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.

 

Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.

 

Never assume what you're trying to prove, unless you're trying to prove you're a bonehead.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die.

 

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.

 

No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.

 

No one is completely worthless — they can always serve as a bad example.

 

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

 

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

 

Remember that a kick in the ass is a step forward.

 

Say not that honor is the child of boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it is not the action that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither.

 

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

 

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot.

 

The light at the end of the tunnel is only a train, and it's not yours anyhow.

 

The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

 

The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.  (Distilling most 12-step programs into one very pungent epiphany; poster from Despair.com)

 

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.  

 

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

 

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it.

 

There are two rules to success in life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2.

 

There is an exception to every rule, and most people think they are it.

 

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

 

True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it.

 

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

 

Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.  (poster from Despair.com)

 

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

 

When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into deadly projectiles.

 

When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress.

 

Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute, I'll find someone.

 

You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

 

You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly.