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Science Fiction and Fantasy

 

Star Wars Jokes

A great Jedi English teacher was quoted in saying, "Metaphors be with you."

 

DARTH VADER: Luke Skywalker, I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
LUKE: How do you know?
VADER: I felt your presents.

 

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: "Use the forks, Luke!"

 

"Ummm, trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" — Yoda

 

Why did Darth Vader say "One gram per cubic centimeter" to Luke Skywalker? Because it was his density.

 

You might be a Redneck Jedi Knight if ...
... you ever uttered the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
... your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
... you have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
... at least one wing of your X-wing is primer colored.
... you have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
... you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
... you have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
... the worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
... you have ever used the Force to get another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
... you suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
... you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
... your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over to the dark side, it'll be a hoot."
... you have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
... you have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
... you have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
... you have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
... the real reason you got into a fight in the cantina was because they didn’t have Bud Light.
... you ever fell in love with your sister.

 

 

Tolkiens of Affection

Do people in Middle-Earth order books from Anduin.com?

 

How many Rings of Power does it take to change a light bulb? None. They’re bound in the darkness.

 

J. R. R. Tolkien’s books are hobbit-forming.

 

Tolkien enjoyed writing fairy tales so much it became a Hobbit.

 

 

My Favorite Things 
(from The Sound of Music's song of the same name) 
by Inferno (found on TheOneRing.net)

Raindrops in Ent-beards
And whiskers on wizards
Bright Rings of Power
And boiled orc-gizzards
Black-mantled Nazgul
Who're owned by their Rings
These are a few of my favorite things.

Hobbits on ponies
And lembas with noodles
Gollum, and Gimli
And oodles and oodles
Of heated discussions 
About Balrog wings.
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white armor
Who fight in the masses
Mad old Denethor
Who burns into ashes
Rohirrim warriors
That fight while they sing
These are a few of my favorite things

When the knife bites
When Shelob stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.