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     Lightbulb Jokes



STAR TREK:  The Original Series Logo


How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.


If Mr. Spock has pointed ears, what does Mr. Scott have? Engineers.


Miramanee was caught between Kirok and a hard place.
     (I'm going to hell for that one!)


My other vehicle was assimilated by the Borg.


Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.


To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.


Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.


What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage? A croaking device.


Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym.


The Borg assimilated my species, and all I got was this lousy ocular implant.


The Klingon version of Gone With the Wind: After all, tomorrow is another good day to die.


Why did Worf change his hair color? It was a good day to dye.


The Sisko is my Co-pilot!


Blonde Borgs have the same fun.


Borg Answering Machine Message: WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now, so leave a message at the tone and we'll assimilate you later.


We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.



Lightbulb Jokes

How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? All of them.


How many Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb? That depends on how many lights you see.


How many Federation shuttles does it take to change a light bulb? None. Shuttlecraft don’t last as long as light bulbs.


How many Founders does it take to change a light bulb? As many as there needs to be.


How many Guardians of Forever does it take to change a light bulb? Since before your sun burned in space, I have awaited that question.


How many Holodeck characters does it take to change a light bulb? None. Holodeck characters are light bulbs.


How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? None. Real warriors don’t need light bulbs. (or) Two. One to change the bulb and another to defend the empty socket with a bat’leth. (Everybody needs a challenge.)


How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and three security officers beam down. The three security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.


How many members of the U.S.S. Voyager crew does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. (Really.)


How many Pakleds does it take to change a light bulb? “What's a light bulb?”


How many Prophets does it take to change a light bulb? None. That is a corporeal matter.


How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to stab him in the back.


How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb? Approximately 1.0000000000.




Signs That STAR TREK is Taking Over Your Life:


Things That Never Happen in STAR TREK:


Top ten signs your Klingon warrior has no honor:
10. Drinks decaf Raktagino.
9. Shouts "Where's the Beef?" before charging into battle.
8. Despite years of training and experience at the weapons controls of the flagship of the Federation, manages to get defeated by two incompetent sisters and their secondhand Bird of Prey.
7. Nerf bat'leth.
6. When they wheel out the bloodwine, he's always the designated driver.
5. Constantly getting beaten up by human females.
4. Abandons son with soft human parents, then acts all surprised when son turns out to be terrible warrior.
3. Tribble Tamagachi constantly needing to be fed.
2. Instead of traditional steel soled battle boots, prefers Nike Air Kaeliss'.
1. Wrist broken twice by alien-possessed chocoholic bunny-suited half Betazoid.


You know you're a Deep Space Nine fan when ...