Notice of Gary Taylor’s Return
Letter from the Prime Beef team to Mrs. Gary L. Taylor notifying her of Taylor’s imminent return.
690th Combat Support Group
Prime Beef – Team #14
APO San Francisco 9237
ATTN OF: 630th CES Sq., (Prime Beef)
SUBJECT: Notice of Return – SSGT. Gary L. Taylor
TO: Mrs. Gary L. Taylor
- Very soon the above will once again be in your midst, DE*AMERICANIZED, demoralized and dehydrated; ready once more to take his place as a human being when freedom and justice for all, engage in life, liberty, and the somewhat delayed pursuit of happiness.
- In making your joyous preparations to welcome him back into a respectable society, you must make allowance for the crude environment in which he has suffered for the past four months. In a word, he may be somewhat Asiatic; suffering from Udorn-it is, or too much Mekong liquor.
- Therefore, show no alarm if he prefers to squat rather than sit in a chair, pad around in sandals and towel, slyly offers to sell some cigarettes to the postman and picks at his food suspiciously, as if you were trying to poison him. Don’t be surprised if he answers all questions with “Sorry About That” or “Number One”… Be tolerant when he tries to buy everything at less than half the asking price, accuses the grocer of being a thief, and refuses to enter an automobile (Samalars-Pedicabs being much cheaper and safer).
- Any of the following sights should be avoided since they can produce an advanced stage of shock; people dancing, television and “Round eyed Woman”. Ina relatively short time his profanity will decrease enough to permit him to associate with mixed groups, and soon he will be speaking English as well as he ever did. He may also complain of sleeping in a room and refuse to go to bed without a mosquito net.
- Make no flattering remarks about exotic Southeast Asia, Avoid mentioning the benefits of overseas duty, seasonal weather, and above all, ask before mentioning food delicacies of the East such as “Flied Lice” (Rice). The mere reference to these particular subjects may trigger an awesome display of violence.
- For the first few months (until he is housebroken), be especially watchful when he is in the company of women, particularly young and beautiful specimens. The few American girls he may have seen since arriving overseas are either 13 years old or married to someone who outranks him, therefore his first reaction to meeting an attractive “ROUND EYE” maybe to stare.
Friends and relatives are advised to take advantage of this momentary shock and move the young lady out of reach.
- Keep in mind that beneath his tanned and rugged exterior there beats a heart of gold. Treasure this for it is about all of value he has left. Treat him with kindness, tolerance and an occasional fifth of good whiskey, and you will be able to rehabilitate this hallow shell of the man you once knew. If your his wife don’t beat him if he gets violent in bed. Your really lucky.
- SEND NO MORE LETTERS TO APO 96237 AFTER 31 JULY FOR HE IS LEAVING THE TROPICS IN 15 DAYS AND HEADING FOR THE LAND OF THE BIG BX.
- LOCK UP ALL THE WOMEN AND FILL THE ICE BOX AND WAIT:
Signed: The Crazy bunch that is still here:
All of us!